Let’s get personal…

Let’s get personal…

I wanted to write an entry so that my readers and followers can get to know me a little bit better.. I don’t like the word ‘follower’ because I believe everyone should be a leader in their own right, but it’s the only word that seems to fit. I grew up in Minnesota, in a town of about 60,000 people. I was the epitome of a TOMBOY; I wore boxers to school, played on the guys’ hockey team and wouldn’t come home until dark because I was out dirt biking and playing street hockey with the guys. I absolutely HATED going to school. I never liked taking direction or having to follow a curriculum. I think the term the teachers would use is ‘rebellious’ but I like the term ‘independent’. I had a hard time growing up because I had a lot going on at home, and at school I couldn’t focus on what was in front of me. I never wanted to conform; I always wanted to do my own thing. I’ve never been the type of person to jump on a bandwagon, and do what everyone else was doing because of lack of creativity.. I always had my own ideas. My junior year of high school was probably the best year of schooling I ever had. I was friends with so many different groups of people, and I always knew where the best party spots were. It’s funny looking back because we were so young, yet we sought out adventure on a day to day basis, and that adventure usually involved leaving school before class was even out yet.

Hockey was the glue that held my relationship with my father together. I remember the first time I told him I wanted to take it seriously and play, I was about 12 years old. I’ll never forget how lit up his face got the first time I stepped out on the ice. It gives me the chills writing about it, it’s a memory that makes me smile every time. He was so proud of me because hockey was the sport he wanted to play when he was growing up, but his family couldn’t afford to buy him the gear (he was the oldest of 7 siblings). I vaguely remember telling him that I wanted to model as well as be a hockey player. It makes me laugh because he was so pissed. He didn’t want me to be a girly girl, he thought I was too intelligent to just pose in front of a camera.

When I was a senior in high school I had 2 different modeling contracts with agencies in the cities. I kept it private because I remember telling my friends I was going to be a big model and they laughed like, ya, ok. I believed in myself more than anyone could imagine, and I was going to do what I said I was going to do. I was driving to the cities twice a week to take acting and runway classes, and I had my first photo shoot. As soon as I got the photos back I submitted them to every agency imaginable.

     While I was waiting to see what would happen with my modeling career, I decided to enroll in college.  I was interested in a paralegal program and so I took Comm Studies, and Family law.  Surprisingly, I loved every minute of it.  I sat like a sponge in law classes, just soaking it up.  But my paralegal career quickly got sidetracked when a bikini company in Beverly Hills called me, wanting me to come out  for a one week photo shoot.  I was on top of the world! I flew out, and met another model at the airport.  We looked for the limo driver holding the sign with our names, delirious with excitement..

To Be Continued….. ;]

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”

My VICEWriting for me is like a hot cup of coffee in the morning, a bubble bath at night or a wet kiss from a little puppy. THERAPY. It’s my way of expressing myself and being vulnerable without feeling judged or condemned. I wanted to write about inner strength because I believe it’s something we all try to seek out in ourselves on a day to day basis. Finding inner strength within myself is one of the things I strive for every single day. I’ve worked a million different jobs from modeling for clothing companies, to music videos to featured work on movies. It’s my passion. But so many of the people you meet in this industry are phony and only out for themselves. Having the courage to stand alone and stay true to yourself is one of the hardest things to do. It’s so easy to just fall into being what others want you to be, or doing things that other people want you to do so that you feel acceptance. When I was younger I was a party animal. I held a full time job, nonetheless, but I was always looking for another outlet to help me forget my worries, anxiety and the troubles around me. I never wanted to face head on the feelings I had deep down, so I turned to the party scene. Something that will stick out in my memory forever is that once I told all my ‘friends’ I quit drinking, they disappeared. That’s a lesson that I keep with me to this day. Finding inner strength is something I know comes with age and time. I’m STRONG for believing in myself even when I probably was the only one that did. I have a passion and drive within me that keeps me going, even when I feel like I’m at a dead end. I’m HUMAN. There’s days that I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything and I get lonely because I feel like I’m searching for something I can’t even explain.

The main purpose of my blog is so that I can pour my thoughts out, and my followers can get to know the REAL me and relate. I don’t want to be known for being just a model. There’s so much substance and depth within me, and writing is one of the best ways I know I can reach out to other people. Social forums such as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook are for people that like you for your surface, your appearance and your persona. I’m so much more than that. I’m compassionate, hardworking, and driven. I’m DEEP. I get lost, just like you. I have imperfections and flaws. I QUESTION myself. I’m just trying to find my own path, one that hasn’t been paved by anyone else.