I’ve wanted to write about this for a long time, but I wasn’t quite ready to put all my thoughts down on paper. I was filling out work emails this morning, and I happened to come across modeling pictures from earlier this year and it hit me like a ton of bricks. A year ago I was in the darkest place of my life. I don’t like to go into specifics because I’m a very private person, but it’s something I wanted to write about because looking back on it makes me realize how STRONG I am, and I hope that someone reading this is inspired & can relate. I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning, I couldn’t eat, I lost 10 pounds and when I did wake up I was so emotionally drained I didn’t want to even move. I think the reason I’m comfortable writing about this now is because the past couple days have been the best days of my life, and it’s really made me put everything into perspective. So many people rely on others’ approval &/or permission to do certain things or lead their lives in a certain way. I’ve realized that there isn’t anything in the world that can stop you from doing what you love and makes you happy if you DON’T LET IT. It’s so easy to get caught up in social media & to lose who we are because we’re focusing on what we’re lacking instead of what we have. We face distractions every single day, but I learned that no matter what you go through, you have to focus on being a better YOU. Nothing in the world is worth losing who you are as a person. INNER STRENGTH is realizing your worth, knowing what you want and going after it relentlessly. Two days ago I shot a spread for FHM Magazine. A year ago I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I hope people reading this are inspired and know that whatever obstacles you go through in life, there is ALWAYS a light at the end of it.
This video was shot when I was first coming into my own again. It represents the vulnerable place I was at, and how I found my inner strength, found MYSELF again, and stood my ground. Shot by the amazing Omar Gomez and Michael Tushaus.
My favorite quote of all time, by Louis L’Amour. NOTHING THAT’S WORTH HAVING IN LIFE COMES EASY. Being complacent and expecting things to fall into your lap isn’t any way to truly LIVE. There’s always going to be people that don’t understand the path that you’ve chosen, but it’s YOUR path. All the negative things that have happened in my life have helped build character, and made me see the bigger picture. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been turned down from different auditions, from runways shows, modeling jobs, you name it. But what’s the fun in pursuing something that doesn’t involve RISK?
Find what drives you, what makes you feel alive, and pursue it relentlessly. <3
There’s so many social media forums. From Twitter to Facebook, fan pages, Instagram, Tumblr.. The list goes on. Does anybody actually go out to dinner with friends or their loved ones, go to parties, read a good book, watch a movie, and actually ENJOY the moment? It’s so easy to get caught up in filling the public in on our everyday lives that we forget to just stop and take in what’s in front of us. Social media is a huge part of my life. Being in the modeling industry, you have to put your face out there. Regardless if you’re posting about something substantial or what pair of shoes you’re going to wear, you have to present content in order to build a following and a curiosity. I’m not religious by any means, but I’m very spiritual and through this journey of mine I’m trying my best to stay grounded and true to myself no matter the circumstances or situations I’m faced with. I’ve come to the realization that I’m putting so much effort and emphasis into my business that I forget to slow down and BREATHE. I work extremely hard yet I almost neglect working on myself from the inside out. I’m trying to be the best person I can be while pursuing my dreams. I’m trying to find a BALANCE.
I feel very blessed that I get to do what I love, and work with my friends from time to time. I took this picture when we were hiking trying to find the perfect background to shoot.